How to Catch a Butterfly

I imagine that at some point artists are able to summon inspiration on demand. Most often, though, it shows up on a whim.

Sometimes when sitting in the audience at a dance show or concert, I get put on a trance and inspiration comes. It can be as tiny as a color scheme or as big as the general idea of a new show. It can be the desire to write a review for the show I'm watching or perhaps a song or poem. Often it's a drawing — a sketch of what I see or imagine, or emotionally charged doodles.

I always, always, always carry my journal with me. A few years ago I had no idea about the concept of journaling (especially after suspecting my mom reading my diary in high school without my consent.) At the beginning it was very hard to write. I was paranoid about somebody reading it and laughing at my thoughts. But as I kept writing, the unsubstantiated fears gave way to a new voice inside of me: "IT'S OKAY..."

It takes a lot of courage to open up and write. You begin shyly writing superficial thoughts. Eventually you get to write even the darkest things that you dare to acknowledge. There's something so magical about doing it. It can transform your Art and your Life. For a long time all my writing was focused on my inner happenings, both the good and the painful. My current journal is a small red book I bought at a bookstore right before entering the theater to watch a movie.

A few days ago a friend saw me carrying it and asked: "Is that your journal?" I said yes. "Is that where you write all your issues?" I said yes and began flipping through its pages. To my surprise I realized that about 90 of the 100 or so pages I've filled so far have nothing to do with my issues or feelings or darkness. My latest journal is filled with creation. Costuming ideas, article outlines, the beginning of a script, show reviews, a poem, a sketch for an illustration, dance and choreography notes. "Wow!" I said, "I haven't really written about me. I don't need to do that right now. I'm filling these pages with the things I'm working on... You know? this is where I've been wanting to be my entire life."